Farewell to Harry and Meghan, another immigrant family shattered

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With profound sadness and a heavy heart, America is saying goodbye to two of its most iconic media moguls: after 6 years stateside, Prince Harry and his beloved Duchess of Sussex are moving back to Britain. According to the BBC, the couple will soon be relocating from California to a “private, nonroyal residence” outside London, a move that was apparently sparked after Harry felt “energized” following a conciliatory tea meeting with his royal father last year. Though the news might strike some as surprising, given Meghan found her life of literal royalty in Britain to be racist and oppressive, this was apparently nothing compared to the oppression she faced in America, where all she got was a measly Netflix deal / Spotify deal / lifestyle brand / mansion in Montecito. May we remember their important contributions here, and may all other US immigrants take note: when the going gets tough, you, too, can simply self-deport back to your Islamic countries.

Last week, a calculus professor at UC Berkeley wrote in The San Francisco Standard that, since the admissions system did away with standardized testing, a bunch of their students can’t do math. According to some analysis (math) by the professors: not only is overall “calculus readiness” decreasing; “the bottom of the distribution exploded.” There are so many weak students, in other words, that the professors are having to literally teach fractions in “remedial mathematics” lectures. On Wednesday, dodging questions on the matter by The California Post, Gavin Newsom said “I want to see the data,” so that’s helpful. And in other Berkeley news last week, the school drew scrutiny when an unsuspecting mom dropped off her kid for college to find a thriving homeless encampment spanning many blocks just behind the dorms. So, overall, thanks to the adults who are definitely taking the responsibility of stewarding their futures seriously, it seems like the kids are totally alright!

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The “Stop Nick Shirley Act” was signed into law by Gavin Newsom this weekend, effectively making it illegal to publish personal information of immigration-service workers online with the specific intent to threaten or incite violence against them. The new law is rather redundant, considering California already criminalizes violence (on paper, at least), while platforms like X prohibit doxxing. So what does this law actually accomplish? There are reports of increased threats levied at immigration employees, but the policy could obviously intimidate virgin vigilantes like Shirley (Mormon) from investigating what they’re up to. In California, where 89 hospices are reportedly registered to a single three-story building in LA, and taxpayer dollars routinely disappear into nonprofits and government programs without a trace — one would hope that Newsom would roll out the welcome mat for journalists willing to root out fraud for free. Instead, this is California, baby, where asking too many questions about what happens to our money = racism, or something.

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